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New song lyrics capture heart of Astros’ cheating scandal

Last year, Major League Baseball celebrated its 150th anniversary.
During those 150 years have been many scandals. The Black Sox of 1919, the steroids era of the 1990s, Pete Rose banned for gambling, and several others.
But the latest scandal uncovered as baseball begins its next 150 years is a huge black eye. The technology used to steal signs and help the Houston Astros win the 2017 World Series is believed to have been used by other teams as well such as the Boston Red Sox and even the hallowed New York Yankees.
The punishments for this latest chapter are nowhere near matching the crime. A $5 million fine for a billionaire who made $65 million for cheating, no vacating the title and they still get to wear their World Series rings seems almost like there was no punishment at all.
No one was suspended. The manager and general manager were fired. So was Boston Red Sox manager Alex Cora who was said to be the mastermind behind the signing stealing for both the Astros and Red Sox. Carlos Beltran was a player involved and fired as the newly hired New York Mets’ manager.
Beltran also played for the Yankees which created whispers the boys in pinstripes used some type of sign stealing although not as elaborate as the Red Sox and Astros.
The Astros’ owner Jim Crane said the sign stealing had no effect on the outcome of the games, then contradicted himself only seconds later during a follow-up question.
Baseball has become very hypocritical. Rose is banned for gambling but now baseball is teaming up with Las Vegas to get a cut of the winnings. Owners turned their heads during the steroid era because the home run barrage filled the stadiums.
Rose’s gambling has earned him a ban, but it was done as a manager. It has nothing to do with his playing career. And yet we let people use steroids and steal signs to improve their offensive numbers and give them awards, raises and leave them eligible for the Hall of Fame.
All this gave me an idea that the Astros need a theme song and I went all the way back to my childhood to find a suitable track.
In 1966, the late, great Sonny Bono wrote what became his then-wife Cher’s first million-selling hit single, “Bang! Bang! My Baby Shot Me Down.”
So, without further ado, here is the new Houston Astros own personal song.
Bang! Bang! The Astros Live In Shame
(Music by Sonny Bono; Lyrics by Jim Walker)
L.A. was picked to win in six
No one knew of our slick tricks
We wore black and they wore white
We knew the pitch before the flight.

Bang! Bang.! We hit the can.
Bang! Bang! The warning slam.
Bang! Bang! The fastball came.
Bang! Bang! The Astros won the game.

Altuve had the winning blow.
But his bare chest he wouldn’t show.
The tattoo was so bad to see.
Or the buzzer filled him with electricity.

Bang! Bang.! We hit the can.
Bang! Bang! The warning slam.
Bang! Bang! The fastball came.
Bang! Bang! The Astros won the game.

You left Mike Fiers off the playoff list
So, he spilled all to baseball’s commish

We won awards and set new marks.
Jim Crane proved he wasn’t smart.
Cheating didn’t give them a boost.
The chickens have come home to roost.

Bang! Bang.! We hit the can.
Bang! Bang! The warning slam.
Bang! Bang! They’re passing blame.
Bang! Bang! The Astros live in shame.
Jim Walker is sports editor of The Ironton Tribune.